Today is the 18th June 2011 . I found out that one of whom used to be on my friend list has deleted me off her friend list .
Wasn't my friend, knew through Terence, but im gonna be honest, i kept her close because she was close with Terence's ex . I was worried, i confess . Because from what i heard this ex is a bitch . But this friend wasn't any better being two faced . Saying one story and doing another .
Yeah i was sneaky and evil this time because i was worried . Usually keeping the ex around wasn't a good thing, and it applies the same to those that are close to the ex .
I can't tell you how i feel right now, but i know there's a lot of emotions .
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Friday, May 06, 2011
Today is the 6th May 2011 and i cannot help but post here to vent what i feel about the election . Everybody is talking about it, in a bad way . Well, at least to me . From the day any candidate made any speech, people have already started criticising the PAP, the prime minister, the minister mentor, the bla bla bla .
Stop what you're doing, think about it . Look around you . What have we got ? Do you get the same when you travel to other countries ?
Clean streets, established Orchard Road, big, tall elegant buildings, impressive casinos, housing estates, ev-er-y thing is almost 90% developed to a good standard . Crime rates, security forces, law enforcements, political instability, the government has all got a good grip .
Are you gonna tell me this is not the things you want ? Are you unhappy that the govenment is misusing the tax we pay to pay themselves and building all these craps when you yourself hasn't enough money to buy a Gucci bag ? Is all your selfish wants stopping you from voting the PAP just because they are moving the nation to the next higher standard ? Complaining about sky-high property prices, paying too much taxes, or earning lesser than the ministers ?
Come on !! They might not deserve the income but at least they deserve the respect !!! Have we all forgotten how our founding father fought for our independence ? If not for him we would still be like Malaysia now, bike-robbing all around, dirty streets, cheaters everywhere . He and his people transform a Singapore fulla slums to what it is now call a home .
Exactly what are we proud of as Singaporeans ? We have come this far, work this hard, and no doubt our nation has become an attractive country to settle in for our neighbours across the sea . And nobody wonder why now, because all they see in mind, is how the PAP draws high income from our taxes, is how the PAP rules the entire parliament, is how PAP do nasty things from the past and all in the world the mistakes they made .
When you meet your enemy, what do you do ? Let them have a chance taking over your position or you slash them down ? You slash them down ! And this is what the PAP did, i don't think it's unreasonable . You want someone to have the chance to destroy you and your decade long plans ? Hell no .
And for the people who's cursing and hating our founding father, you're telling the world you're the type to send your own dad to the nursing home when the time comes . Same story, different version .
Are we really voting for the good of our nation, or are we really voting for the good of ourselves ?
I'd rather pay more taxes for what we have now, than to pay less and live like those elsewhere .
Stop what you're doing, think about it . Look around you . What have we got ? Do you get the same when you travel to other countries ?
Clean streets, established Orchard Road, big, tall elegant buildings, impressive casinos, housing estates, ev-er-y thing is almost 90% developed to a good standard . Crime rates, security forces, law enforcements, political instability, the government has all got a good grip .
Are you gonna tell me this is not the things you want ? Are you unhappy that the govenment is misusing the tax we pay to pay themselves and building all these craps when you yourself hasn't enough money to buy a Gucci bag ? Is all your selfish wants stopping you from voting the PAP just because they are moving the nation to the next higher standard ? Complaining about sky-high property prices, paying too much taxes, or earning lesser than the ministers ?
Come on !! They might not deserve the income but at least they deserve the respect !!! Have we all forgotten how our founding father fought for our independence ? If not for him we would still be like Malaysia now, bike-robbing all around, dirty streets, cheaters everywhere . He and his people transform a Singapore fulla slums to what it is now call a home .
Exactly what are we proud of as Singaporeans ? We have come this far, work this hard, and no doubt our nation has become an attractive country to settle in for our neighbours across the sea . And nobody wonder why now, because all they see in mind, is how the PAP draws high income from our taxes, is how the PAP rules the entire parliament, is how PAP do nasty things from the past and all in the world the mistakes they made .
When you meet your enemy, what do you do ? Let them have a chance taking over your position or you slash them down ? You slash them down ! And this is what the PAP did, i don't think it's unreasonable . You want someone to have the chance to destroy you and your decade long plans ? Hell no .
And for the people who's cursing and hating our founding father, you're telling the world you're the type to send your own dad to the nursing home when the time comes . Same story, different version .
Are we really voting for the good of our nation, or are we really voting for the good of ourselves ?
I'd rather pay more taxes for what we have now, than to pay less and live like those elsewhere .
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Today is the 13th April 2011 . Wondering if it's PMS that make me wanna blog or something else which i have no idea about .
I've been here for about 3 months, and still not getting the hang of it . Hiding in my bunk everyday, Facebook-ing the whole afternoon waiting for my husband to be back . But it seems that these lonely days has done much more than feeling bored to me . I think so much everyday, sometimes i really think i need a doctor .
I think about the times when my home was still next door to my granny's . The days when we slept together on the floor . When we watched TV as a family, have dinner running around, played games along the corridor . Then it was time to move to a new home . I was young, but i knew i didn't wanna move, i had so much fun there . I couldn't let out my sadness, until that very night, when my late uncle held me in front of him and asked me if i would miss him after we moved away . I instantly cried, so he hugged me and comfort me, everybody was looking, especially my cousins .
My late uncle used to cook mee sua, and whenever he cooked them, he'd shared some with me when im around .
New home now, everything was so fine, Mum looked vibrant in every photo, especially those birthday ones . Those days, we had little pocket money, 2 bucks a day, maybe more for late times in school . But i never asked for extra money, not even a cent when Mum forgot to give me . Going hungry in school was common for me . I saved up pretty much, dug my piggy bank a coupla times when i need cash for school outings and books . When Mum or Dad's birthday came up, we'd take the chance to buy a small cake when they're out ( coz we hadn't enough for a big one ), and surprise them when they came back through the door . We'd even make their bed for when they turn in at night, they'll find their pillow firmer than usual, then flipped it up to find our hand made birthday cards and gifts for them .
We played silly games, did stupid things and finished assessment books .
Now we've all grown up, have our own stuffs to meddle with, uncle passed away . We all realized what growing up feels like . Everything changes . Home wasn't the same anymore, everyone does their own things, we hardly laugh like we used to . We got so much more ''peace'' now .
And i'm moving out again, this time, moving into one apartment that my husband and me shares . And what do we have left at home; lesser now .
And i always hate to go . Always ...
I've been here for about 3 months, and still not getting the hang of it . Hiding in my bunk everyday, Facebook-ing the whole afternoon waiting for my husband to be back . But it seems that these lonely days has done much more than feeling bored to me . I think so much everyday, sometimes i really think i need a doctor .
I think about the times when my home was still next door to my granny's . The days when we slept together on the floor . When we watched TV as a family, have dinner running around, played games along the corridor . Then it was time to move to a new home . I was young, but i knew i didn't wanna move, i had so much fun there . I couldn't let out my sadness, until that very night, when my late uncle held me in front of him and asked me if i would miss him after we moved away . I instantly cried, so he hugged me and comfort me, everybody was looking, especially my cousins .
My late uncle used to cook mee sua, and whenever he cooked them, he'd shared some with me when im around .
New home now, everything was so fine, Mum looked vibrant in every photo, especially those birthday ones . Those days, we had little pocket money, 2 bucks a day, maybe more for late times in school . But i never asked for extra money, not even a cent when Mum forgot to give me . Going hungry in school was common for me . I saved up pretty much, dug my piggy bank a coupla times when i need cash for school outings and books . When Mum or Dad's birthday came up, we'd take the chance to buy a small cake when they're out ( coz we hadn't enough for a big one ), and surprise them when they came back through the door . We'd even make their bed for when they turn in at night, they'll find their pillow firmer than usual, then flipped it up to find our hand made birthday cards and gifts for them .
We played silly games, did stupid things and finished assessment books .
Now we've all grown up, have our own stuffs to meddle with, uncle passed away . We all realized what growing up feels like . Everything changes . Home wasn't the same anymore, everyone does their own things, we hardly laugh like we used to . We got so much more ''peace'' now .
And i'm moving out again, this time, moving into one apartment that my husband and me shares . And what do we have left at home; lesser now .
And i always hate to go . Always ...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Today is the 22nd February 2011 .
How often do you think about people that you have to keep off your contact list to make your lover happy ?
Are you like me; telling everything i know in hope the transparency principle would keep your relationship last longer or even forever . Or are you simply keeping some facts to yourself just so you could still contact some friends you know that if the facts leak out like a toppled glass of milk, friends will become strangers; lovers become single ?
Truth be told, i have been thinking bout the people in my history life . If only they knew where the line is drawn, we'd still be friends .
I never lied about my status ever since i got married, conscience - clear . But it seems not many could accept and even doomed fail . No comments bout that; i ain't god . But i hope for the best . Married being i hope you respect my decision and move on for us to be friends and friends only .
So often i thought and asked god why did all the good men appear only after i got married . But i only ended up listening to the sound of myself breathing, and answering to my own question . It was simple, i knew the question was simple and the answer was straight forward but why do i still ask ? 'At least i asked', i thought, as always, being crazy sometimes .
Those days might not be fun, but i knew they were true, no backstabbing kinda shit . I knew even if i have to call them at 4am in their sleep, they'll still pick up my call if the ringing tone manage to wake them up . Friends, to me .
But not to them, i was something more than friends . Disappointing as it seems, i hadda put down my phone and stop texting, stop calling, eventually changing my goddamn cellphone number .
Doing what i must do to keep troubles away .
Thinking of them once in a while, knowing if they kept things down we'd still be friends, and they'll eventually find someone else to have a crush, an affection or a love to lay on .
And now, some were uncontactable, some keeping a distance, i never really can know what happen after i stop texting and calling .
Hope they're well, all of them .
Adios .
How often do you think about people that you have to keep off your contact list to make your lover happy ?
Are you like me; telling everything i know in hope the transparency principle would keep your relationship last longer or even forever . Or are you simply keeping some facts to yourself just so you could still contact some friends you know that if the facts leak out like a toppled glass of milk, friends will become strangers; lovers become single ?
Truth be told, i have been thinking bout the people in my history life . If only they knew where the line is drawn, we'd still be friends .
I never lied about my status ever since i got married, conscience - clear . But it seems not many could accept and even doomed fail . No comments bout that; i ain't god . But i hope for the best . Married being i hope you respect my decision and move on for us to be friends and friends only .
So often i thought and asked god why did all the good men appear only after i got married . But i only ended up listening to the sound of myself breathing, and answering to my own question . It was simple, i knew the question was simple and the answer was straight forward but why do i still ask ? 'At least i asked', i thought, as always, being crazy sometimes .
Those days might not be fun, but i knew they were true, no backstabbing kinda shit . I knew even if i have to call them at 4am in their sleep, they'll still pick up my call if the ringing tone manage to wake them up . Friends, to me .
But not to them, i was something more than friends . Disappointing as it seems, i hadda put down my phone and stop texting, stop calling, eventually changing my goddamn cellphone number .
Doing what i must do to keep troubles away .
Thinking of them once in a while, knowing if they kept things down we'd still be friends, and they'll eventually find someone else to have a crush, an affection or a love to lay on .
And now, some were uncontactable, some keeping a distance, i never really can know what happen after i stop texting and calling .
Hope they're well, all of them .
Adios .
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Today is the 8th February 2011 . I thought i should be posting before this blog gets dusty again .
Just when i thought i was settling down well, i was wrong . I know about myself to be straight-forward at times, so i'd post it on Facebook . With such an open profile, everyone able to post, comment, fully view everything about my profile, i've got stalkers as well !
So on the first day of lunar new year, we hadda open house kinda thing, and the night before, there were some drinking . I was drinking, no doubt . My open house ? 10am to 2pm . They were told to come at different time, like 10am to 2pm is a range for them to come . But i was expecting them at 10am . I slept around 3am or slightly later .
Having to force myself awake at 9am is already annoying enough, when catering was said to reach at 9am, it came only at 10.15am or so ? Yeah, around that time . Well, Brunei right ?
I waited, and waited, one guest . And the wait continues, 11am, still one guest .
Disappointing, utterly awfully disgustingly disappointing .
Feeling what i'm going through ?
With that, i posted this on Facebook : -
''commander's wife hadda open house and everybody's on time or earlier . our open house ? it's past an hour and we only have ONE guest . now you see why im so anti-social here . because all the people are so fake and suckin up the boss's balls . continue suckin... i hope yall like the smell of the penis ! SICK !''
And boom ! Suddenly everyone is checking out my profile and reading that post !
Until the following night, a guy called my husband out for a talk . I have no idea what they talked about, but when he came back he wanted me to delete the post . He said everyboday got to read about it . I was furious .
First off, if you're not on my friend list, i don't give a damn if you're affected by that statement, it's my profile, my wall, my right of freedom to post what i wanna say . Just in case you forgot or don't even know, before i post that status, there's a question in the box you might have miss looking at . It asked me 'What's on your mind?', i was answering that question, hello ? Secondly, even if my status was referring to you, you stalkers, yes, i'm naming you 'stalkers', can gossip all you want it's none of my business, if you can't take it or have a weak heart, please, you can view other profiles, i'll be more than happy, maybe celebrating with champagne .
While some people are hopping mad about the statement, some thought i was looking for trouble, you know, said things like, this is Brunei, i gotta learn to be patient . Thank you, i'm learning to be patient now, but nevertheless, i must say i won't be able to adapt much to this place . You're adapting well, because i don't know, you're becoming like one of them ? Slow, irresponsible, no sense of work ethics, poor command of English or even no command of English, cheaters, dirty . Yeah, i suppose you're becoming like one of them now . Oh wait, not becoming, you have became .
I thank god i haven't lose myself to these people . Back to the case, shall we ?
Friday night the news spreaded out like flu virus, a meeting was called for on a Saturday afternoon 2pm . I hadda go, if not people might think i'm a coward, just saying, no guts to face it, but i'm not .
Next afternoon, i showered, did my hair, i went . Husbands sat outside, wifeys sat inside .
I was surrounded by 6 wifes, with printed copies of my facebook statement (like a proof thing) . They wanted me to explain why i wrote that statement . They said i was rude on the statement, they said i make it sound like they kow tow to the boss . One of them said what if the whole Singapore read that post, then i'll 'malu ... malu' . Basically, i sat at the table, going through the experience of having 6 wifes, taking turns to tell me i'm wrong, i'm at fault, then agreeing to each other's point . On and on... i cried of course . And i hadda force a 'sorry' out of my mouth .
Let me tell you one thing; even if the entire Singapore read about my post, i won't be embarrassed . You know why ? 50% won't care much, some would agree with you, but some would also agree with me . After discussing about 'clearing the air', they want me to join them more often to break the ice . Now you tell me, is it about breaking the ice now, or breaking the titanium block ?
Facing all these without my family and friends is indeed a bit tough, but nevertheless, i still have them when i go back, i know it . And i'll be back for good in no time .
Shall blog soon .
Just when i thought i was settling down well, i was wrong . I know about myself to be straight-forward at times, so i'd post it on Facebook . With such an open profile, everyone able to post, comment, fully view everything about my profile, i've got stalkers as well !
So on the first day of lunar new year, we hadda open house kinda thing, and the night before, there were some drinking . I was drinking, no doubt . My open house ? 10am to 2pm . They were told to come at different time, like 10am to 2pm is a range for them to come . But i was expecting them at 10am . I slept around 3am or slightly later .
Having to force myself awake at 9am is already annoying enough, when catering was said to reach at 9am, it came only at 10.15am or so ? Yeah, around that time . Well, Brunei right ?
I waited, and waited, one guest . And the wait continues, 11am, still one guest .
Disappointing, utterly awfully disgustingly disappointing .
Feeling what i'm going through ?
With that, i posted this on Facebook : -
''commander's wife hadda open house and everybody's on time or earlier . our open house ? it's past an hour and we only have ONE guest . now you see why im so anti-social here . because all the people are so fake and suckin up the boss's balls . continue suckin... i hope yall like the smell of the penis ! SICK !''
And boom ! Suddenly everyone is checking out my profile and reading that post !
Until the following night, a guy called my husband out for a talk . I have no idea what they talked about, but when he came back he wanted me to delete the post . He said everyboday got to read about it . I was furious .
First off, if you're not on my friend list, i don't give a damn if you're affected by that statement, it's my profile, my wall, my right of freedom to post what i wanna say . Just in case you forgot or don't even know, before i post that status, there's a question in the box you might have miss looking at . It asked me 'What's on your mind?', i was answering that question, hello ? Secondly, even if my status was referring to you, you stalkers, yes, i'm naming you 'stalkers', can gossip all you want it's none of my business, if you can't take it or have a weak heart, please, you can view other profiles, i'll be more than happy, maybe celebrating with champagne .
While some people are hopping mad about the statement, some thought i was looking for trouble, you know, said things like, this is Brunei, i gotta learn to be patient . Thank you, i'm learning to be patient now, but nevertheless, i must say i won't be able to adapt much to this place . You're adapting well, because i don't know, you're becoming like one of them ? Slow, irresponsible, no sense of work ethics, poor command of English or even no command of English, cheaters, dirty . Yeah, i suppose you're becoming like one of them now . Oh wait, not becoming, you have became .
I thank god i haven't lose myself to these people . Back to the case, shall we ?
Friday night the news spreaded out like flu virus, a meeting was called for on a Saturday afternoon 2pm . I hadda go, if not people might think i'm a coward, just saying, no guts to face it, but i'm not .
Next afternoon, i showered, did my hair, i went . Husbands sat outside, wifeys sat inside .
I was surrounded by 6 wifes, with printed copies of my facebook statement (like a proof thing) . They wanted me to explain why i wrote that statement . They said i was rude on the statement, they said i make it sound like they kow tow to the boss . One of them said what if the whole Singapore read that post, then i'll 'malu ... malu' . Basically, i sat at the table, going through the experience of having 6 wifes, taking turns to tell me i'm wrong, i'm at fault, then agreeing to each other's point . On and on... i cried of course . And i hadda force a 'sorry' out of my mouth .
Let me tell you one thing; even if the entire Singapore read about my post, i won't be embarrassed . You know why ? 50% won't care much, some would agree with you, but some would also agree with me . After discussing about 'clearing the air', they want me to join them more often to break the ice . Now you tell me, is it about breaking the ice now, or breaking the titanium block ?
Facing all these without my family and friends is indeed a bit tough, but nevertheless, i still have them when i go back, i know it . And i'll be back for good in no time .
Shall blog soon .
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Today is the 26th January 2011 . How are you ? You . . . the one just reading my blog post .
I miss my friends and family .
A few days ago, i had a nightmare . I couldn't remember everything so i'm just gonna say what i remember . I dreamt that my dad was back from a temporary job in Hong Kong, and was cheated . He received a much lesser pay than what the boss agreed to pay . He phoned many calls to Hong Kong to get through what happened, but he was never satisfied with the explanation given to him . So he decided to make a trip to Hong Kong with a few other workers that had the same issue, but just before he went, he got into an accident and died .
When i heard of what happened, i couldn't respond . I have no idea what to do, what to say, how i should deal with it . What's surprising, is that i could still see him around, just as usual, but only i could see him . He was still talking to his friends about the issue . I have no idea if he knew he was dead . When the scene showed that i was in a dark room alone, i could hear him, still talking . I held back my tears, only whispered out a soft 'pa' and he seems to hear it . I know this is ridiculous but it's what i dreamt of . And when i looked out of the room window, he was there, standing, looking at me with the same expression he does whenever we were kids crying .
He asked me what happened, why am i crying and repeatedly asked me not to cry . . . not to cry . But i only cried harder . I lost control . Just when i was crying so badly, i woke up . More like someone shocked me awake .
May god bless .
I once saw a quote from my friend's Facebook status, it goes something like this, 'when woman cry, it's not because of one matter . It's the accumulation of many issues.' And i have to agree with it, totally . Unless it's a really big issue, crying is inevitable . But when a quarrel arises, and a woman cries, there're many answers when you pop the 'what happened' question . Sometimes, there're simply too much to say, too much to explain, no words to describe that usually woman just say they're fine . In fact, it never was, never is, perhaps never will . I'm not afraid to admit i'm just like one of these women .
From the age when i learnt the harsh reality of life, i started bearing things and keeping issues to myself . I never wanted to share it to my family because i don't want them to get worried or sad over my problems . And i never got much friends, real friends to share my troubles . Then, till now, i've lost track, forgotten some, forgiven some . I never really know how to answer or reply to anyone including myself when the 'what happened' question is asked . Even if i have years to explain it all . Some issues are just un-describable, some actions done that you can't say it out how you feel about it .
For the happiness of 5 or 10 people not knowing my troubles, i have to endure what i'm going through, alone . Doesn't it makes sense ? Say you got bullied in class, why run to your mum and dad and whoever it is to tell them and make them worried if you're gonna be okay next time . All you have to do is just bear with it; keep it to yourself . It will be fine after some time .
And sometimes, you know you have to do the right thing, even if it means something you hate, something you have to give up, some life dream you're so looking forward to .
For that, i end my post for today . Miss you guys much .
I miss my friends and family .
A few days ago, i had a nightmare . I couldn't remember everything so i'm just gonna say what i remember . I dreamt that my dad was back from a temporary job in Hong Kong, and was cheated . He received a much lesser pay than what the boss agreed to pay . He phoned many calls to Hong Kong to get through what happened, but he was never satisfied with the explanation given to him . So he decided to make a trip to Hong Kong with a few other workers that had the same issue, but just before he went, he got into an accident and died .
When i heard of what happened, i couldn't respond . I have no idea what to do, what to say, how i should deal with it . What's surprising, is that i could still see him around, just as usual, but only i could see him . He was still talking to his friends about the issue . I have no idea if he knew he was dead . When the scene showed that i was in a dark room alone, i could hear him, still talking . I held back my tears, only whispered out a soft 'pa' and he seems to hear it . I know this is ridiculous but it's what i dreamt of . And when i looked out of the room window, he was there, standing, looking at me with the same expression he does whenever we were kids crying .
He asked me what happened, why am i crying and repeatedly asked me not to cry . . . not to cry . But i only cried harder . I lost control . Just when i was crying so badly, i woke up . More like someone shocked me awake .
May god bless .
I once saw a quote from my friend's Facebook status, it goes something like this, 'when woman cry, it's not because of one matter . It's the accumulation of many issues.' And i have to agree with it, totally . Unless it's a really big issue, crying is inevitable . But when a quarrel arises, and a woman cries, there're many answers when you pop the 'what happened' question . Sometimes, there're simply too much to say, too much to explain, no words to describe that usually woman just say they're fine . In fact, it never was, never is, perhaps never will . I'm not afraid to admit i'm just like one of these women .
From the age when i learnt the harsh reality of life, i started bearing things and keeping issues to myself . I never wanted to share it to my family because i don't want them to get worried or sad over my problems . And i never got much friends, real friends to share my troubles . Then, till now, i've lost track, forgotten some, forgiven some . I never really know how to answer or reply to anyone including myself when the 'what happened' question is asked . Even if i have years to explain it all . Some issues are just un-describable, some actions done that you can't say it out how you feel about it .
For the happiness of 5 or 10 people not knowing my troubles, i have to endure what i'm going through, alone . Doesn't it makes sense ? Say you got bullied in class, why run to your mum and dad and whoever it is to tell them and make them worried if you're gonna be okay next time . All you have to do is just bear with it; keep it to yourself . It will be fine after some time .
And sometimes, you know you have to do the right thing, even if it means something you hate, something you have to give up, some life dream you're so looking forward to .
For that, i end my post for today . Miss you guys much .
Monday, January 17, 2011
Today is the 17th January 2011 . Life in Brunei is so far so good, even though it means being a full time house wife with only a chance to step out of the front door less than ten times a week . Well, just say i do step out for more than ten times i'll only be out to the same place over and over because there's nothing much around here .
I could sum up what i do everyday in a sentence within two minutes . Here we go. I wake up, cook breakfast, go back to sleep, wake up again, brush up, prepare lunch, laundry, shower, dinner, sleep . Only on certain days i add in sweeping and mopping the floor . Ever since the day i stepped my foot on this boring country, i spoke to less than ten people, like face to face communication .
People here are just too fake, they pretend and act too much . So much so i'd rather be alone, than to make friends with them, not that i'm unfriendly or something . They always say im so quiet when in fact, it's just i don't wanna talk to them and soon to be like one of them . It's so pathetic .
I miss Singapore, and i miss it very much . No doubt i still refuse to admit i'm a Singapore because well, seen too much ugly sides of them, but i still like that place a lot . Born there, grew up there, learn and work there and everything i want and need is there . Right here ? Nothing .
Maybe that's the vast difference when different government gives priority to different issues like Brunei do to religion and Singapore to money . Look, i'm so bored i'm talking politics on my blog, i think i'm going insane soon . Face it, i need liqour and entertainment like those in Singapore . Once again, i'm saying this for 13947354923th time, Brunei is a boring place .
Filty rich, but no brains on development and improvements yet, not even basic infrastructure . Say for example, you buy a normal house brand double sided tape and try to stick on something to the wall, between those that you buy in Singapore and those you buy in Brunei, the quality is at huge ends . Singapore's tape can tape for at least sometime and what have we got here ? The tape that came off within a day, and we sticked it back and it came off again . Horrible !
Food wise, i thought the Malays like to cook and bake themselves ? Apparently their cooking skills are worse than what you find in a coffee shop just down your block, and the price is equivalent to those of Singapore or even pricier, bearing in mind that we have the same currency rate for both country here .
So what do we have here ? Un-developed infrastructure, minimum entertainment, pricey food take-outs and one point that i can never fail to stop talking about - locals .
Maybe i'm just a typical Singaporean afterall, complaining on her blog instead of complaining to the restaurant manager and asking for discount on the bill . Right, back to the point . Find me the laziest Singaporean and he or she can work faster and more efficient than a random person you pick up on the street here . The people here ! They walk slow, drive slow, park the car slow, eat slow, serve slow and they do anything slowly, they're the laziest laziest laziest laziest people i've ever met ! They have no common sense and no sense of responsibility . Well, basically the worst people in the world and i always try to tell myself that 'hey look, they're just born this way so no point getting pissed' . I get pissed like every week now ! That's definitely gonna increase the rate of my wrinkles growing on my face and trust me, i don't like it at all .
Singaporeans are just doing things ugly because they don't wanna lose out, competitive in other words, Bruneians ? They're doing things ugly because they don't care, in other words ? SLUGGARD ! They never do achieve anything outta their life time and they never will .
Alright, before i confirm my place in hell for saying too much of these things, i'll be back to post about other happenings ( if it ever does happen ) soon .
Cheers to all of my dearly family and friends in Singapore and myself .
I could sum up what i do everyday in a sentence within two minutes . Here we go. I wake up, cook breakfast, go back to sleep, wake up again, brush up, prepare lunch, laundry, shower, dinner, sleep . Only on certain days i add in sweeping and mopping the floor . Ever since the day i stepped my foot on this boring country, i spoke to less than ten people, like face to face communication .
People here are just too fake, they pretend and act too much . So much so i'd rather be alone, than to make friends with them, not that i'm unfriendly or something . They always say im so quiet when in fact, it's just i don't wanna talk to them and soon to be like one of them . It's so pathetic .
I miss Singapore, and i miss it very much . No doubt i still refuse to admit i'm a Singapore because well, seen too much ugly sides of them, but i still like that place a lot . Born there, grew up there, learn and work there and everything i want and need is there . Right here ? Nothing .
Maybe that's the vast difference when different government gives priority to different issues like Brunei do to religion and Singapore to money . Look, i'm so bored i'm talking politics on my blog, i think i'm going insane soon . Face it, i need liqour and entertainment like those in Singapore . Once again, i'm saying this for 13947354923th time, Brunei is a boring place .
Filty rich, but no brains on development and improvements yet, not even basic infrastructure . Say for example, you buy a normal house brand double sided tape and try to stick on something to the wall, between those that you buy in Singapore and those you buy in Brunei, the quality is at huge ends . Singapore's tape can tape for at least sometime and what have we got here ? The tape that came off within a day, and we sticked it back and it came off again . Horrible !
Food wise, i thought the Malays like to cook and bake themselves ? Apparently their cooking skills are worse than what you find in a coffee shop just down your block, and the price is equivalent to those of Singapore or even pricier, bearing in mind that we have the same currency rate for both country here .
So what do we have here ? Un-developed infrastructure, minimum entertainment, pricey food take-outs and one point that i can never fail to stop talking about - locals .
Maybe i'm just a typical Singaporean afterall, complaining on her blog instead of complaining to the restaurant manager and asking for discount on the bill . Right, back to the point . Find me the laziest Singaporean and he or she can work faster and more efficient than a random person you pick up on the street here . The people here ! They walk slow, drive slow, park the car slow, eat slow, serve slow and they do anything slowly, they're the laziest laziest laziest laziest people i've ever met ! They have no common sense and no sense of responsibility . Well, basically the worst people in the world and i always try to tell myself that 'hey look, they're just born this way so no point getting pissed' . I get pissed like every week now ! That's definitely gonna increase the rate of my wrinkles growing on my face and trust me, i don't like it at all .
Singaporeans are just doing things ugly because they don't wanna lose out, competitive in other words, Bruneians ? They're doing things ugly because they don't care, in other words ? SLUGGARD ! They never do achieve anything outta their life time and they never will .
Alright, before i confirm my place in hell for saying too much of these things, i'll be back to post about other happenings ( if it ever does happen ) soon .
Cheers to all of my dearly family and friends in Singapore and myself .
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Today is the 6th January 2011 . It's a new year again, how quick it was . Let me recall what i could remember i did in the last year, shall we ... : -
- Went back to Black Angus for work since February
- Made lotsa friends; or rather customers from work
- Graduated from school
That's all i remember actually . However, i must say i'm particular glad i made some friends from working, or caucasians to be specific . From Canada, Australia, UK, and most of all, America . Guess that part compliments me for giving up my dream to migrate to the states .
So far, so good, so much for my year with fun at the steakhouse working, it might just be the most memorable time for me at work . . . yeah, at work, not outta work .
Right now, i'm stationed in Brunei, for a whole holy year . Been here for three days and i'm already missing home, missing work, missing so much .
But you know what . . . i ain't gonna give up so easily . You nigga asses, wait till i get back . B)
- Went back to Black Angus for work since February
- Made lotsa friends; or rather customers from work
- Graduated from school
That's all i remember actually . However, i must say i'm particular glad i made some friends from working, or caucasians to be specific . From Canada, Australia, UK, and most of all, America . Guess that part compliments me for giving up my dream to migrate to the states .
So far, so good, so much for my year with fun at the steakhouse working, it might just be the most memorable time for me at work . . . yeah, at work, not outta work .
Right now, i'm stationed in Brunei, for a whole holy year . Been here for three days and i'm already missing home, missing work, missing so much .
But you know what . . . i ain't gonna give up so easily . You nigga asses, wait till i get back . B)
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Today is the 5th December 2010 . Had my first 'Miss Me Party' yesterday with my friends from where i work . They might be colleagues, but they are no doubt those people whom i will miss the most when i'm in Brunei .
Those times working, the times where we rushed for food, service and so much more, the bad times, the good times, the happy times, and the sad times, all of them . Throughout the years i've worked there, they gave me the most unforgettable times, i learnt a lot, and i have to thank all of them for teaching me things and helping me throughout . Down the road, there are ought to be some conflicts, but we made it through till today .
Yesterday at the bar, i couldn't help but think that i'm so lucky to have them as my friends . =)
I wanna thank they all for attending the party . . . Fan, Marka, Yanwar, Yansun, Kris, Chris Ngern, Chris Chiu, Joshua, Jemima, Agustian, Elizabet, Eriec, Pwint and Peter . As for those who couldn't attend because of examinations or not feeling well, i understand .
I didn't wanna get wasted, so i didn't drank much, but most of what i drank were neats . =L
Never will be forgotten . In fact, i'll be back . =)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Today is the 24th November 2010 . Family problems have been giving me a hard time, excluding my own ones .
That's when i started to think of an escape route, not that i wanted to escape rather than solve, but it's just so troubling i don't wish to think of it for more than a minute .
Ever since i started working when i was sixteen years old, i wanted to move to the states, no matter which town or city . I just like the way they talk, how fluent one can get speaking English . English makes the world go round, isn't it ?
Recent issues had made me think back to what i wanted to do in life . Move to the states, get a job, and live by my own, but nonetheless, it's near impossible now because of the fact that i'm married, my husband signed his career to the Singapore government, and he's not quite a decent English speaking person .
So, i'm stuck back in Singapore, where i was born, where all the people are forever so 'kiasu', 'kiasi' and irritating .
Let me list down a couple of things that Singaporeans do which is extremely irritating, literally i work in an American steakhouse so what i'm about to say is every dining habits of locals .
- They act rich carrying branded purses/wallets/bags and try to save on every inch .
- Their meals are pair with water only .
- They always ask for card discounts/promotions when paying their bill .
- They won't hesitate to complain .
- They always want a big table when all they ordered are cheaper steaks or worse, sharing main courses .
- They get service attention by aggressively waving their hands and not saying 'excuse me', but 'escuse me', or worse, rising their voices calling out 'hello' .
- They never tip, only when we service talk them for half an hour as if we are real friends .
- They treat restaurants like Kopitiam leaving pork rib bones on the tables instead of the plates .
- They want the managers to serve them .
- When there's error on the food etc, they will jump to the error and ask for free dessert/drinks or instant discounts .
- When food/drink is on buffet-system, they will try sharing one order or when failed, will make the server replenish like a mad dog .
So many things i could go one having work so long at the steak house, i totally wanna disregard myself as a Singaporean . It's so embarrassing sometimes when these kinda things happen, and an American is sitting just across the table watching . I could literally punch whoever it is in the face if i'm allowed to . Too bad i can't .
I wish i could move to the states still, i know i'm having a little hope up, but hey, it's my life dream after all . It's pretty late now, shall hit the sack . Blog back in a bit when i get my day off . Ciao .
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Today is the 13th November 2010 . I just woke up from a good drink last night . Rounds of games that creates nothing more than laughter and stomach-aches for us . Shots after shots of neat Chivas, Guinness stout, and the last defeat of female team that drank up a horrible mix of Guinness, Hoegaarden, green tea and coke, one glass each . Nothing was left on the tables except empty glasses, the Chivas bottle and the remains of untouched mixers .
One place ends, 2 men down, we're left with 5 survivors . We went to Arab street for another round . This time, with only a bucket of five beers . The die were rolling, guesses were made, laughing till we roll back and forth for like the millionth time . We called it a day at 4am .
Of course, i can no longer drink much like that . Pockets emptied out to just coins . Lips so dry i felt i was left in the desert for a week . The bonding was worth the money though .
And now i have to think about how to manage my finances . Good lord .
Friday, November 05, 2010
Today is the 5th November 2010 . Here's a song i would like to share .
baby, oh yeah
baby, oh yeah
You don't ever bring no drama to the game
and my drama don't be scaring you away
you dont ever talk to much
exactly just enough
you know how and when and where and what to say
it aint like i gotta tell you your so fine (your so fine)
you been gettin complements since you was nine (damn)
its like your perfect (...)
a diamond in the rough
I knows you give me nothin else but love (love)
You are such a mad sexy cool girl
how does someone turn into you girl
how do you explain
what you do
what you say
how you be
how you play
how you love
everyday
how your constantly the same
how you give
never hate
and you dont ever change
be consistantly that way
your a mad sexy cool girl, and i love you that way
baby, oohhhhh
you be ruling with a certain shade of cool (shade of cool)
i dont know no body half as fresh as you
i be checkin your behaviour
oh baby you got so much flavour
sometimes i wanna call you juicy fruit (juicy)
it aint like i gotta tell you your a star (your a star)
you be shining and be sparkling in the dark
girl you so perfect (...)
you my dimond in the rough
i know you give me nothin else but love
You are such a mad sexy cool girl
how does someone turn into you girl
how do you explain
what you do
what you say
how you be
how you play
how you love
everyday
how your constantly the same
how you give
never hate
and you dont ever change
be consistantly that way
your a mad sexy cool girl, and i love you the same
(baby) how does someone
so beautiful
so approachable
none so adourable
(baby) guess your my kinda wonderful
my dream come true
You are such a mad sexy cool girl (sexy cool girl)
how does someone turn into you girl (into you girl)
how do you explain
what you do
what you say
how you be
how you play
how you love
everyday
how your constantly the same
how you give
never hate
and you dont ever change
be consistantly that way
your a mad sexy cool girl
You are such a mad sexy cool girl (ohh baby yes you are)
how does someone turn into you girl (turn into you)
how do you explain
what you do
what you say
how you be
how you play (ooohh)
how you love
everyday
how your constantly the same
how you give
never hate
and you dont ever change (never change)
be consistantly that way
your a mad sexy cool girl
(Your a mad sexy cool girl)
baby
how does someone turn into you girl
how do you explain
what you do
how you be
how you play
how you love
everyday
how your constantly the same
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Today is the 26th October 2010 . Back to work today, but i have to admit half the time i was into thoughts .
Colette was my adviser for the day, because i thought she's the best person i could relate to regarding this matter . She said women can do what men does, but men in return couldn't do what a women does . Based on all the mothers, placing their children and husbands before themselves, with the wide range of emotions from the sensitivity of a lady, the periods of the months, and worse of all, career issues . People are like fingers of a hand, there're similar ones, and those different ones, people think differently .
She said she could sense what i sense, because she's been through too, and told me that i wasn't my usual self .
I'm affected by what was said, and i'm insulted .
But as usual, i always swallow it down and force myself to forget it . Because men, always think that plain words with some hugs and kisses will solve the problem .
Sometimes, i wish that you could just go away, because i hate you for what you do .
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Today is the 25th October 2010, and i had the worse hair cut i ever experienced, what's more ? I paid for it; SGD22 .
My husband always patronize this salon and always had the same female hair dress to trim his hair for him, with a wash . Today, i went there alone to have my second hair cut with her, the first time, i went with my husband . My husband said she was skillful, and told me the difference between certified barber and non-certified barber .
And i swear, i'll never go back there for paid services .
I hadda cut and wash, and i thought it was always logical to cut the hair first then wash ? I had the wash first, but i was fine with it .
I admit my hair is dry, and it always gets tangled up, but having visited so many salons to have my hair done, she's the lousiest . She pulls my hair so hard i could feel the pain that i've never had with other salons, and her nails are ... i don't know ... trying to cut my scalp ?
Done with washing, shall we ?
I went back to my booth and sat down, she combed my hair so violently my head was swaying as if i'm about to nod off to sleep and then started trimming my wet hair . It was big movements . My hair swung and my wet hair slapped water on my face . Consider me stupid not knowing hair dressers actually do hair cuts on wet hair .
I said i wanna keep my length, but as usual, it's now much shorter, pissed .
She didn't use the blunt scissors to layer my hair so now, my hair ... is big on the top, layered on the bottom .
Finally the blow dry, my fringe was dried first and she kept my fringe fall down across my face . It was all the way to my lips and she only combed it back up when she was done blowing dry all my hair . I was breathing in warm air literally .
One thing she said to me that i'll never forget, in fact, i'll tattoo the very sentence to whoever mentions 'Serene' in front of me . She asked why my husband gained weight while working overseas and replied to her own sentence, '老婆不在没有压力啊?'
I faked a smile all along, i so wanted to call you and fuck you upside down, but i hold myself back because i knew you are having a hard time with work now .
You called, so i merely told you a little of what i thought was total disaster .
I don't know, but what you said sounds more like speaking out for the hair dresser than words to comfort me .
But what's the big deal all about right, it's just hair, it will grow back .
Yeah, it will grow back, because it's just the difference of me going with you and me going alone .
老婆不在没有压力... you better think of some place else to cut your hair when you're in Singapore .
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Today is the 21st October 2010 . Yet again, blogging from Brunei, my second last day from leaving for Singapore . This time, with much disappointment .
I admit that it was my selfish act to get my husband to extend another year, for the greed of money to pay off his debts that bother me to a discomfort heart, not that it's alot, but a reasonable amount . I've never actually thought of the consequences to make him stay, even if it means no clubbing for a year and staying in a shabby place at a third world country .
The application wasn't exactly succussful, in fact, it was rejected at first, but with much help of appeals from high ranking bosses, the application rolled out a verbal approval for upcoming year at Brunei .
My first reaction was unclear, should i jump for joy, or should i get upset because i'm about to lose a year of clubbings, 21st birthday parties, and living in a horrible country . I don't know .
I only knew when my husband knocked off from work, walking through the door in his smart green attire . He was clearly upset . And my heart sank a little .
He was ready to receive a rejection more than an approval, he was ready to go home, to go home and attend close friends' weddings, and then this happened . I felt that i made the wrong move asking him to make the application in the first place . He was tired of this place; uneven roads, empty malls, disgusting food, slow service everywhere .
It was bad enough, when another piece of news came from a friend, i almost wish i could turn back time and amend everything . When i saw him sitting at the edge of the bed, hands clasped together in front of his face, supporting his chin, i was pretty lost . I could feel sadness, i wasn't pondering as to whether i should be happy or sad now, because it somehow linked me to him . I don't see any happiness anymore, it was purely, a full percentage of sadness in me .
This isn't supposed to be, my principle of life is not to regret, and i'm pretty much breaking it right now . I saw his face and i knew i regret making this choice .
'Money is the root of all evil', now you caught me .
And now, i'll have to leave him here, in this place, when i'll be on my flight back to Singapore tomorrow evening . If it's not for my cousin's wedding, i would have my flight postponed, because i wanna be by his side . I felt wrong having to leave .
I hope for a miracle to happen, to have it taken off, and everything back to step one, where i'll be expecting his return on December . This isn't about me anymore... it's about him .
Tell me... tell me... ... tell me there's a miracle .
I admit that it was my selfish act to get my husband to extend another year, for the greed of money to pay off his debts that bother me to a discomfort heart, not that it's alot, but a reasonable amount . I've never actually thought of the consequences to make him stay, even if it means no clubbing for a year and staying in a shabby place at a third world country .
The application wasn't exactly succussful, in fact, it was rejected at first, but with much help of appeals from high ranking bosses, the application rolled out a verbal approval for upcoming year at Brunei .
My first reaction was unclear, should i jump for joy, or should i get upset because i'm about to lose a year of clubbings, 21st birthday parties, and living in a horrible country . I don't know .
I only knew when my husband knocked off from work, walking through the door in his smart green attire . He was clearly upset . And my heart sank a little .
He was ready to receive a rejection more than an approval, he was ready to go home, to go home and attend close friends' weddings, and then this happened . I felt that i made the wrong move asking him to make the application in the first place . He was tired of this place; uneven roads, empty malls, disgusting food, slow service everywhere .
It was bad enough, when another piece of news came from a friend, i almost wish i could turn back time and amend everything . When i saw him sitting at the edge of the bed, hands clasped together in front of his face, supporting his chin, i was pretty lost . I could feel sadness, i wasn't pondering as to whether i should be happy or sad now, because it somehow linked me to him . I don't see any happiness anymore, it was purely, a full percentage of sadness in me .
This isn't supposed to be, my principle of life is not to regret, and i'm pretty much breaking it right now . I saw his face and i knew i regret making this choice .
'Money is the root of all evil', now you caught me .
And now, i'll have to leave him here, in this place, when i'll be on my flight back to Singapore tomorrow evening . If it's not for my cousin's wedding, i would have my flight postponed, because i wanna be by his side . I felt wrong having to leave .
I hope for a miracle to happen, to have it taken off, and everything back to step one, where i'll be expecting his return on December . This isn't about me anymore... it's about him .
Tell me... tell me... ... tell me there's a miracle .
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Today is the 18th September 2010 . This song shall forever be in my life . Because it's a song so memorable even when i'm drunk, it appears in my head .
The city feels clean this time of night
Just empty streets
And me walking home
To clear my head
I know it came as no surprise
I'm affected more than I had guessed on what was said
If this love's not meant to be
If the heart's not ready to open
If we make it I won't see it's broken
If this love's not meant to be
If the heart's not ready to open
If we make it I won't see how it's broken
It's the quiet time before the dawn
And I'm half past making sense of it
Was I wrong?
Should I claim to give it all
In a world where not much ever seems to last long
If this love's not meant to be
If the heart's not ready to open
If we make it I won't see it's broken
If this love's not meant to be
If the heart's not ready to open
If we make it I won't see how it's broken
How it's broken
If this love's not meant to be
If the heart's not ready to open
If we make it I won't see it's broken
If this love's not meant to be
If the heart's not ready to open
If we make it I won't see it's broken
If this love's not meant to be
If the heart's not ready to open
If we make it I won't see how it's broken
How it's broken
How it's broken
How it's broken...
Monday, September 06, 2010
Today is the 6th September 2010 . My first exam is over now and i feel so shag, it's not like i've been studying all night all week . In fact, i slept 8 hours last night . But it's the last paper tomorrow anyway .
I finally knew what it was, what was causing most of the problems . So right now, it's up to you to accommodate . I don't wanna force, because forcing doesn't result in a win-win situation . But my ''mental'' issues is making me go so insane i said something i shouldn't have said .
My past has forced printed a tattoo on my impression of men, i may not, or will not ever trust men again . I'm still working on it . They're just other human who is physically stronger than women .
That's why i get so worked up . . . when other women touch you, be it hair wash or massage . Very in particular, women with make up and is pretty . You may say there's no need for all that because i'm pretty in your eyes, but hey, some words don't work on me . Jealousy it is .
I am jealous when other women touch you .
It builds up a very strong defense wall against you when it happens, maybe because i'm angry, i don't have any choice to bring it down other than either keeping it to myself or flaring it up to you . Nevertheless, keeping it to myself always make me grumpy and quiet .
I don't wanna share you .
I gave up some of my friends for you, i'm left with very few . So right now, my life is all about you . Everything is you . I'll never wanna leave you . I'll never wanna mess this up .
I want you forever to myself .
See you soon . 14 days more .
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Today is the 1st Sept 2010 . Time flies so fast . I hate to admit that i'm actually 20 this year .
Pardon my emotions .
Coz i hit the wrong song on iTunes at this hour, it's 2.03 am now .
Certain songs, certain things, cars, numbers, places just keeps on and never ending reminds me of the months before i turned 18 years old .
How i wish i could just take a walk down the streets now .
I just want a memory loss, one that's good enough to make me forget the past and know that i'm good now with a loving husband and a caring family .
I am happy, and i wanna be happy; purely happy . But it's like reaching out for the stars .
Somebody tell me how .
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Today is the 4th August 2010 . Much has been happening around me, but work was keeping me from blogging . Nevertheless, i hadda vent my troubles somewhere .
If you know me well, i don't really have much friends, hence, it's more or less me helping friends rather than friends helping me, but that wasn't what i wanna talk about today .
One of my friend, who got married three months earlier than me, is now waiting for a legal divorce letter from his wife . I can't say who is the victim in this case, but i know, he's feeling worse than his wife, simply because he didn't wanted it . I couldn't think of what to say to comfort him so all i did was listen to the story . Neither could i judge because all i heard was a single side of the story . I know, as a friend, i wanted to help .
I met up with him after a long day at work, listened to his sorrow, seen his puffy eyes, i realized . . . how lucky i am . Though i often remind myself about how others suffer and i don't have to go though what they take, i thought i should learn how to cherish and appreciate instead .
Because knowing is so different from applying .
Many a times we set our eyes on things we want so far, we instantly forget the good things we have in hand, till we lost them .
Anyways, i hope my friend is feeling better .